Am I Mid-Life?

...Because I'm convinced I'm going through a mid-life crisis. 

Seriously.

I'm falling apart physically AND emotionally.

It stinks. 

I hate it. 

 I don't want to get old. 

And I hate the word "peri-menopause" but my OBGYN insists on saying it.

I hate the fact that the 40 pounds that I've been trying to lose for 7 years refuse to leave my body.

I hate the fact that I have ZERO energy to go to the gym.

I hate that my kids rub my "soft arms", like I used to do to my mom. 

 I know now why she didn't like us to do it.

I hate that I can't sleep at night even though I'm completely exhausted, and if I do happen to fall asleep it doesn't last because I'll be up 4 or 5 times to use the restroom. 

I hate that my 14.5 year old broke the news that he needs to shave and that it made me cry real tears, all while my family was sitting at the dinner table, staring at me like I'd lost my mind.

I hate that in my attempt to lose my 40 pounds, a two mile jog will be followed by the emptying of the contents of my stomach.

I hate that after my 2 mile jog I won't be able to walk without pain for at least 2 days, if not longer. 

I hate that I am so completely and utterly out of shape.

I also hate that I'm having this mid-life crisis, and have decided that it ends here with these words on this page.  It's true that there's nothing I can do about getting older, but there's lots I can do...

and I LOVE that I am the one in control.